Cultures Collide

Scene: yesterday morning at breakfast. A heterosexual British couple are sitting a few tables away from a homosexual American couple.

British husband to wife: "I'll be right back, love. I'm going to run out for a fag."

American #1: "WHAT did he say?!?"

The Vincents

"I called some of those spas, but no one picked up," Mr. Vincent informs me, his tone growing accusatory. I nod sympathetically, stifling my impulse to apologize - if I utter the words "I'm sorry," even if it's just "I'm sorry to hear that," he will decide it's my fault.

Mr. Vincent booked three nights (starting today) only yesterday, so he was lucky to get in. The only reason we actually have rooms available is because of a last minute cancellation. Because of his last minute booking, we didn't have the same room available for three nights in a row, requiring him and his wife to change rooms once during their stay. Mr. Vincent is not happy about this. Not one bit. Before his arrival, he called two times to ask if we could ask someone else to change rooms so they wouldn't have to move. He then asked another two times after I checked him in. I guess he's operating under the assumption that if he keeps asking, eventually he'll get someone different who will give him a different answer. I guess he doesn't realize that it was me who answered the phone both times yesterday.

Mr. Vincent is trying to get his wife in at a spa tomorrow so he can go skiing all day. "You told me that you could get her to a spa!" he continues.

"Mr. Vincent," I remind him gently, "I said that I could get you information on spas, not an appointment."

"Well can you call this one for me?"

"It's best if you make the appointments individually," I say, using the script my manager suggested. "This is a very busy time of year and you know your schedule better than I do."

"Fine! Well, I guess she'll be pretty bored sitting around here tomorrow all day!" he thunders, stomping away from the desk. His quiet, very pregnant wife follows him upstairs silently.

Karma

After harassing me for several minutes about our rates ("But why are you still charging foliage season rates? I think foliage season is over!"), the caller finally decided to ask me questions about the rooms, with her husband beside her looking at our website. "Do you have any rooms with, like, tubs?" she asked. "How much do those cost?"

I explained that all of our rooms are unique in their amenities and decoration, and that some of our rooms do have tubs. She then asked me about each room that appealed to her - whether it had a tub or not. The features of each room (INCLUDING whether they have a tub) is clearly listed with each room description on the website, but apparently that was too much reading for her.

"So, like, how many stars are you? Like five stars?"
I explained that we are not a member of an organization that gives out star ratings (i.e. AAA), but we are a member of Select Registry.
"But like how many stars? Four or five? Are you like a nice place? Like probably one of the best in town?"
I said with a high degree of certainty that we are.

She and her husband then continued to discuss with each other while I sat patiently on the line. I finally broke in to ask if there was a certain date they had in mind, because I could then tell them what was available and what they had to choose between.

"Oh. This weekend. Like, checking in tomorrow and staying until Sunday."
"I'm sorry. We are actually completely booked for this weekend," I replied (thank god!).
"Completely booked? Like NO rooms? Why?"
I reminded her of the foliage season which SHE believed to be over.
"Well, who does have rooms? Give me someone else's phone number."

'Please' and 'thank you' are very important to me, and I tend to get testy when they aren't used - but I remained polite and suggested calling the Chamber of Commerce for a last minute referral. "Would you like their number?"

"No. Thanks for nothing." She slammed down the phone.

I'll tell you, I was a little put out for a minute... but then I reminded myself that she will not find any rooms in our town on such late notice. None. And I smiled a little bit.

full up for fall

"Hi, do you have any rooms available for October 8th? Or is that just too funny?"

I love callers who realize that it IS ridiculous to expect to get a room with one week's notice during foliage season. They make my job so much easier.

Pet Peeves

Some pet peeves:

-People who call NOW and are surprised that there are no rooms available for the first week of October, which is peak foliage season. This particular caller actually wanted to make a reservation for a stay of ONE WEEK. Good luck. If you want to stay for a full week in the middle of foliage season, you'd better book about a year in advance. More on how far in advance you should make reservations for a specialty B&B in another post.

-People who pronounce it "FOIL-age." It's "FO-li-age." Three syllables. The "i" is after the "l."

-Guests who clearly ignore everything I am saying to them on the tour, then come back to the desk several times throughout the evening to ask me where the ice machine is, do we have an elevator, how do I turn on the air conditioner, can I eat the fruit on the rack labeled "for chef's use only"? Classic example: on every tour, I point out the coffee in air pots and mention that the coffee is out from 6:30AM until 9:00PM every day. Last night a couple came down at ten minutes after nine and asked me when the coffee was going to be put away - while standing DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF the empty coffee bar.

-Callers who think it's MY responsibility to find them another room in the area if we are booked. Are you kidding? I will give you the phone number of the Other Notable Inn or the Chamber of Commerce, and that's it. Don't try to bully me. You do not pay my paycheck.

Complainers from Every Country

Here's another story about the two Venezualan women I mentioned in the last post. Originally, the reservation was for just one, the younger woman (the daughter), Sophia. Her four night reservation was for our smallest room, which is cozy, but a fine size for one person. It has a double bed and is on the third floor. We don't have an elevator.

When Sophia checks in on Friday, her mother is with her (to our surprise). She explains that her mother, Gordana, decided to come with her, and can they switch to another room? It's Labor Day weekend. We're totally booked except for the last night of their stay. I offer to move them for that last night, but they say no because it's a more expensive room.

I served breakfast to them Monday morning and asked how their stay had been so far. Sophia says it's been fine, but Gordana complains about the room size and the stairs. I remind her that we do have our ground-level room (a larger room) available for that night, and we would be happy to switch them if she would like. She declines, again.

The next morning we notice a note in the guest book: "Unfortunately, I was not able to enjoy my four night stay because of the very uncomfortable, very small room in the loft." In pen. Not that it would really be ethical to erase it if we could, but still.

Some people just love to complain.

An American idiot?

I just checked in two women from Venuzuela who are here to visit their daughter/granddaughter. After I brought them upstairs and gave them all the formalities, I told them my name and said that I'd be downstairs until 10 if they needed anything. The grandmother looked at me and said pleasantly, "You are not American?"

I was taken aback for a moment, but smiled and replied, "Actually, I am."

"Oh," she said. "You don't speak like one. Your enunciation is so good. You're very clear."

I think I'll take it as a compliment.

Birds of a Feather (charge the same for their rooms)

We do joint marketing with another bed & breakfast in the area, which for some reason is very confusing to a lot of people. The reason we market together is that we have similar properties that appeal to a similar clientele, and both inns are held to the same standard of quality. Our rooms are in the same price range ($125 - $225 per night). We have a shared website (in addition to our individual websites) under the title "Notable Inns of [City]," and we do marketing using this phrase.

We don't keep track of one another's availability, and we don't make reservations for one another's properties. In fact, I've never even been inside the other property. Pretty much all that this joint marketing business means to ME is that if we are full, I give the caller the phone number for the Other Notable Inn. They do the same thing for us.

So this guy calls and wants a room for Saturday. I tell him that we are full, but suggest that he call the Other Notable Inn. His response? "Yeah, I thought of that, but they're way too expensive. You don't have any rooms at all? Really?"

"I'm sorry, we're completely booked."

"You don't even have like one room that you keep for last minute callers?"

This is a totally ridiculous question and I would love hang up on him at this point. Instead, I say politely, "I'd be happy to add you to our waitlist, but I do have to tell you that there is a long list already and, as we have a wedding party, the chances of cancellations are very slim."

He thinks about this for a minute. "Huh. You really don't have any rooms. I guess I'll try the Other Notable Inn. They're just so expensive. I mean, their cheapest room is like a hundred bucks a night. And that one's booked."

(Now forgive me if this sounds snobbish, but if you aren't interested in paying upwards of $100 a night, you shouldn't be staying at either the Inn or the Other Notable Inn. That's not elitist; it's just a fact. A luxury bed & breakfast is not your best bet for low rates.)

I offer him the number of the chamber of commerce. "No thanks. I'll just try someplace else. I can't believe you don't have any rooms. And that other place is so expensive. Just seemed like you guys were more reasonable. What are your rates, anyway?"

I took a lot of satisfaction in telling him that they were exactly the same as the Other Notable Inn's.